Marriage Roles and Money Rolls
Rolls Change
Just because you can cook the perfect chicken casserole, iron the perfect shirt or cut the perfect lawn doesn’t mean you’re the best choice to manage your family’s money. Your roles might be specific but they don’t necessarily mean they’ll make your family money.
Learn From Matt and Sarah
Matt and Sarah just celebrated their 10 year anniversary. For most of that time Matt has managed their finances, just like his father always managed the money while he was growing up. It hasn’t always been stellar, but he’s pulled them through with mostly successful financial choices. The problem is, he’s typically stressed about their money. In fact, he took over the finances because he wasn’t sure Sarah was “cut out” for the job and he views money management as a manly thing . Matt brings some pretty major skills to their finances. He’s quick with numbers, he pays attention to details, he knows the need for a balanced check book and he pays the bills. It brings him a sense of pride to tell his friends and family that he takes care of the finances while Sarah takes care of other stuff.
Sarah isn’t as excited about Matt’s money-role. She says that he is typically anxious about spending, irritated with the way she spends money and gloomy about future financial solvency. She thinks it’s time for him to be relieved of this duty and she is applying for the job of Family Finance Manager. Matt doesn’t think this is a good idea and the issue has escalated into a fight.
Be Flexible
Sometimes couples forget that just because one of them can cook better, add numbers better, or clean better, this means they should take on the roles that specifically use those skills. Sounds reasonable, right? Maybe not! Many people who can cook shouldn’t necessarily be chefs. Many people who can clean shouldn’t do all of the cleaning (seriously, no one person should have to clean all the toilets, all the time!). Just because you can do arithmetic in your head doesn’t mean you should manage the family’s money. Why? Because having one skill related to an important task doesn’t mean you have the most important skills related to that task. (Don’t get down on yourself, I’m sure your kids will come to you with algebra problems.)
It stands that reason that a person who loves to keep their car clean doesn’t necessarily like to keep their closet, bathroom or work shop clean. If the person who likes to clean also sees the value in keeping other spaces clean, then by all means put them in charge of cleaning duties around the house. However, if their need to clean the car is due to their overly inflated need for attention, status or just a car obsession, then perhaps they should clean the car and leave the rest for someone else. This will save the family unnecessary pain and suffering.
The same is true with managing family money in a marriage. One person may have the ability to add and collect receipts but they may lack big picture strengths such as: communication about money matters, group-oriented-beliefs about sharing, saving, and spending money, low anxiety related to money issues, technology skills required to use modern banking, organizational skills necessary for ensuring money-accessibility and tracking. All of these are strengths that complement one’s ability to tabulate debits and credits. Without organizational, technological and communication skills, a couple might always have the money they need but they’d never know it, never agree on how to spend it, nor would they experience the benefit of leveraging it outside of paying off bills. It turns out that doing quick math in your head may not be the most important skill, though still being a helpful skill.
Know Your Limits
In summary, desire alone isn’t enough to determine who is best suited to track and manage the family’s finances. Skills mixed with creativity and positive beliefs about money and its purposes are a winning combination. This news shouldn’t make one side of the relationship feel left out. Money management, if anything is a group-activity in a marriage. It takes two to make money-roles.
Contact: Ric@OliveTreeOfficiating.com
Recent Comments